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Nov 18 - Nov 25, 2001 |
Culture Vulture
The Wonder of Bras
By Rita Simonetta
Originally Published: 2001-10-21
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Pamela Anderson's cups
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Bras are a centuries-old invention that came from the mind and imagination of an elderly man who thought that the ladies of his day needed a little extra support to get by. And so the first brassieres, as they were referred to back in the day, were uncomfortable, suffocating things with thick straps and which were constructed in such a way that women felt the bra was wearing them, and not the other way around. But, after all, comfort was not the purpose of this initial foray into the world of "female support" - efficiency was. And those ancient things were meant to hold in the cupeth which threatened to overfloweth.
But alas, the times they have changed, and the bra, as with any other invention, has had to evolve to suit the changing needs and desires of its consumers. And some of these consumers aren't just of the fairer sex variety. An elderly male former next door neighbour of mine used to joke that his favourite commercial of all time was the Wonder Bra commercial which was popular several years back.
Madonna didn't introduce the world to the cone-shaped bra (made infamous in the early '90s); heck, that honour goes to my grandmother who still hangs up her odd-shaped brassieres on the line to dry, completely ignorant of the fact that when my brothers were small they would wear the strange conical things on their heads and pretend they were aliens.
Then there's your 60-something mother's bra. You know, those unattractive off-white cotton things they sell right out of the bins at Dollar Stores everywhere. This is the one that you might wear around the house if you're vacuuming. But if you're in the middle of an intimate situation with that someone special, you'll get the same reaction you would get if you were caught wearing floral control-top underwear.
Sport bras help to keep us women strapped in tight to the point where friction or the possibility of anything moving is severely restricted, much like an insane person in a straight-jacket. The less they move around, the less friction, the better your workout. Unless you want to opt for what one resourceful woman at my gym does: while running on the treadmill, she presses her hands down on her boobs and runs like the wind.
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